if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
