my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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