youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
