Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
