the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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