Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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