I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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