You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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