So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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