I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
