it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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