I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
