Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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