If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
