I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
