Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
