This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
