what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
