I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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