So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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