Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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