i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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