Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
