so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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