i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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