so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
