Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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