Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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