Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
