How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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