Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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