I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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