I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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