return my video game
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
