It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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