She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
