don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
