hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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