I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
