I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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