so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
