Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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