Sry I called you an 8
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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