He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize