you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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