i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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