babies were throwing up all over the place
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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