just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently the secret to your success is patron
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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