I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
