i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My ATM looks so different sober.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
