I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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