I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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