So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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