Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
