After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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