Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
