Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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