Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My vagina is officially offended.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
