I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's blow job season.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
