i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
