What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
false alarm, still single
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
