she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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