note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize