i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
