There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
