I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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