I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
