I bet he comes in French.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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