No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
