so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
