I want to make a zoo with you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
