Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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