Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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