Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
