this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
