my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
