I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize