I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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