Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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