just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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