i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
