I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
