This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
