Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
