I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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