i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
