i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it was like eating out sand paper
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
