last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
