Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
