i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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