new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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