I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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