my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
